


Broken Machine

by Killjoy013



Category: I Am Not Okay With This (Comics), I Am Not Okay with This (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mutual Pining, Stan's a good friend, Stan's trans cuz I can, Syd is also going to get hobbies and work on herself first, Syd is going to get confidence and get the girls so help me god, Syd is more powerful than we thought, Syd needs a hug, Teenagers, This will also be inspired by the comics too!, fuck brad but he's alive because the plot demands it soo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23514142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killjoy013/pseuds/Killjoy013
Summary: Sydney Novak's had enough. She just wants to be normal and a regular teenager but she's gay and has superpowers and has feelings for best friend because why not? And now, Syd's getting more questions than answers. Will the search to control it push Syd away from everyone for good or will she finally get a grip and be okay with this?
Relationships: Dina/Sydney Novak, Stanley Barber & Sydney Novak
Comments: 13
Kudos: 52





	1. (What if You) Reset Me?

**Author's Note:**

> I watched this show because I heard it had a gay in it and was not surprised by how much I liked it...but I'm gonna change some shit because I want to. We love Syd's Carrie moment but she's not gonna get the girl like that so I did something different.

(What If You) Reset Me?

_Hey baby, you ok?_   
_Still feeling strange?_   
_I'm starting to think our luck could change_   
_Some people fear the end_   
_But I carry it_   
_It's in my pocket, it keeps me safe_

* * *

Sydney Novak's staring wide-eyed at Bradley Lewis, the circle around him closing in like sharks, waiting to be fed. Brad's in the middle, his eyes dead set on Sydney and smiling in the middle like the ringmaster at the circus. 

She's horrified. He hasn't exposed her fully but he's going to. He's going to destroy everything that she just got back. That fear is consumed by the familiar burn of anger. Sydney has a brief vision of a geyser of blood replacing where his head is, blood gushing out like the elevator in The Shinning. 

She guesses that must make her Jack Nicholson.

All work and no play makes Syd an _angry_ girl.

And it's not the general blind rage towards the world, no, no, no it's focused on one Bradley Lewis. 

"Hey! Leave her alone-" Stan says, stepping into the fray. Brad cocks his fist back and slams it against Stan's face. The lights flicker as Syd's friend drop to the floor. Syd's combat boots stomp against the gym floor as she faces him. He looks down at her.

"What are you gonna do, Syd?" He sneers. The explosion of blood flashes before her eyes again and she forces it down. She wants him to suffer.

"Don't do this. You'll regret it." Syd says slowly her eyes glaring daggers into his dark eyes. She's had enough. 

"No, I think I won't. Everyone will know you're a freak. Try and stop me."

Syd will. She's sick and tired of this shit. She just wants to fucking live her life. Why can't she fucking _live?_ Not tonight. Something burning bright inside her claws at her insides and the pressure's brewing and boiling. Hot. Red-fucking-hot. She jerks the mic out his hand by the cord and steps into his space. The speakers blow out as it hits the ground making the crowd wince at the feedback before it cuts off. 

"You're a freak. Just like your daddy." Brad smirks, watching with mirth as Syd's shaking hands clench into fists. Somewhere in her mind, she hears Dina gasp at his comment. He's so confident she won't touch him that the diary is in his other hand in plain sight. The crowd doesn't do shit, they're just waiting for the bloodbath.

He grabs her by the shoulder, his fingers cold but sweaty as they dig in, and she shoves him with all her strength. His grimy nails leave a trio of deep scratches that are starting to turn red. He puts all his weight on his bad ankle and crumples to the floor. The notebook follows suit but not for long. A newly conscious groaning Stan snatches it up from the floor and pockets it. 

Thanks, Stan. Syd owes him big time.

"You _bitch_!" He growls stumbling back, holding his ankle with a wince. Syd advances on him, her steps collected but steady and concise. The crowd parts behind him. For every scramble back, she takes a step forward until they're at the edge of the stage.

"You fucking lowlife _."_ She says with conviction as she effortlessly steps over the mic. Something passes over Brad's face and a line of bruises spreads around his neck. It's fear.

He should be afraid. 

"What is your fucking problem? You take something from me and try to expose me to school for what? Is _my_ fault you cheated on your girlfriend? My fault you were a shitty boyfriend in the first place? What are you even good for?" Sydney snaps, daring him to get up, she wants him to get up so she can fuck him up. Powers or not, she figures out that she's got enough pent rage to kill a man with her bare hands.

"Syd, he's not worth it." Stan's voice cuts through the red-hot anger in that way Stan can. She meets his eyes, one bruised (again). Syd realizes she's standing over Brad, fists tense and at her side. She's about to relax but fate has other plans.

"You're a freak and a dyke!" He snarls.

"I'm a nobody. That's better being a has-been, Lewis." Syd states and spits right in the space between his legs. His face turns purple and surges up. Syd doesn't move even as he goes to raise his hand. She just glares at him and waits for the pain. He doesn't hit her but instead grabs her by the shoulders and yanks her close.

"Brad, stop!" Dina yells and to Syd's surprise, he does. He blinks, fist so close to her face she can see the hair on his knuckles, and tries to make himself look like a victim. He lets go of Syd to limp towards Dina with hands out pleading.

"Dina, baby, I-"

"Enough! _Enough_ with excuses. All you do is make excuses, Brad. You don't want anyone to have me but you treat me like shit." 

Brad opens his mouth but Dina just shakes her head, disgust clear on her face. 

Syd opens her mouth until she looks at the empty bleachers and sees it. A shudder runs down her back. That mass of darkness that's been following is in plain sight and it has a face because it smirks at her before blowing away like dust in the fucking wind, It goes under the gym door and Syd follows it.

Brushing past Stan and Dina who call out to her but they're fading into the background, Syd shoulders the doors open and follows the wisp of darkness.

What starts as a jog turns into Syd doing a dead sprint, tearing through the woods, determined not to lose it, whatever it is, it could be the key to everything.

The old tower looms among the trees and the wisp is flying towards it like a beacon. Branches scrape against her legs and arms as she tails it up the creaking staircase. She scrambles up, yanking the door open and her eyes frantically scan the area. She's panting and it's the only sound besides the whistle of the wind. 

Nothing.

"Fuck. _Fuck._ Fuck!" 

It's gone. It's just her here on this broken abandoned watchtower in the dead of night. There's a stitch in her rib that she massages as Syd leans on the wooden railing to catch her breath and prays that the thing doesn't break under her weight. Then the hair on her neck stands up making her whirl around. She gasps. The mass of darkness solidifies into a man, face still shrouded in shadows. 

"I'm surprised you didn't kill him." a low but slightly scratchy voice hums. It sounds so familiar yet so distorted it makes her head spin.

"Who-who are you? Should I be afraid?"

"They should be afraid." 

"I want to-to control this."

"I'll help you."

"Why?"

"Your father."

Sydney's eyes widened, "Dad?"

"Hey, kiddo."

* * *

_But what if it was simple?_   
_And what if it made sense?_   
_And what if we were living_   
_In a perfect tense?_   
_'Cause what if you reset me?_   
_What if we restart?_   
_What if you reset me_   
_Before it falls apart?_

_Reset Me By Nothing But Thieves_


	2. Live and Die (As One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Origin Story Time! This is very dialogue-heavy but it is necessary to advance the plot! The origin is never explained in the comics, which is like a storyboard or a first draft and isn't as fleshed out as it could've been but whatever, So I made one up. 
> 
> Hope you like it! Let me know if you did!

We Live and Die (As One)

_People piss you off_

_Some you say you love_

_Those you call a friend_

_Walking through a crowd_

_Then you look around_

_See there's no one left_

* * *

Tears filled Syd's eyes. She rushed forward into the darkness that was her father and he hugged back, he was solid and warm. He even smelled the same. It _was_ him. She buried her face into his chest. He slid down to the floor, his daughter pulled into his chest. 

"Wh-how are-But we found you? You were dead."

"That is true. I did die. But it was my time, kiddo."

"So, so what, you're just back?"

He chuckled and clung tighter to his daughter, "Not exactly. I'm manifesting myself. It takes so much to be able to hold you again. It's why-"

"You were like a ghost."

"I am. I am dead and yet alive. Death isn't as black and white as you think. I wanted to tell you, to let you know everything but I was gathering myself for this moment. I wanted to be there for you."

Syd mumbled the one question that had been on her mind since the beginning.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you and Liam would be lucky. I watched you as a kid. You always had my temper but it never showed. I thought it-"

"Ended with you? I wish."

Her dad smiled and kissed her forehead. He was warm but was starting to slip through her finger in a clunky way like wet sand, "I'm sorry. I know me dying was hard on you and Liam and Maggie but my powers were just killing me on the inside. After the incident, I kept them inside. I fought them. It felt like-"

"You were boiling on the inside, like a volcano about to explode or a pressure cooker?" Syd cuts in. She feels it every day, more and more after dad died. She thought she was just broken or at least had a mental illness. Well, she probably did have a mental illness but she never thought she would inherit superpowers. 

Her dad laughed but there was no humor to it. 

"Pressure cooker, huh? Never heard that one before."

"Maybe I'm just hungry," Syd says as she looks up at him. Her chin on his chest resting on where his heart would be. She could feel the rise and fall of his breath but couldn't actually feel his heartbeat. Not hearing it sent a chill up her spine.

"Remind me later and I'll get you some money. We have bigger things to tackle."

"My powers. What do I do?"

"Easy, I'll train you but _that_ won't be easy. It'll want to explode and let it all out at once until it overflows. You have to be a facet. To tap into it and be able to turn it on and off. Too much and you'll burst, too little and it won't work. I learned the hard way."

Realization clouded Syd's face, "Your tours...they let you-"

"They wanted us to. _Encouraged_ us to let loose on 'the enemy'. Most of us were young, we didn't know what we were really getting into. They would let anybody who could pass the test in to fill up the ranks. It wasn't right. What we did wasn't right. What they _let_ us do wasn't right either. They knew of my anger issues, they helped fueled it. Gave me time off for a certain amount of confirmed kills and raids. It felt like we were unstoppable and we were until..." Dad sighs, wrapping his arm around Syd. He was there but his head was miles and years away.

The dots were starting to connect. Suddenly, the puzzle was getting clearer. She had more pieces than ever.

"Until your unit got blown up."

"An IED. I lost all my life over there in a matter of moments. Limbs, blood, flesh, and screamin'... so much _screamin'_ I couldn't hear but I could feel it. It settled into my chest. Everyone that I cared about over there was dead. I was still alive. I think I almost stopped living after that. That, that did somethin' to me. Got me to think about what I was really doing. I finally had the bigger picture in mind."

"How did they let you go home?"

"I refused to use my powers for them. I told them I would rather die like a man than be treated like a weapon. Not anymore. Not ever again. I came home. I just wanted to put my past in a box and bury it."

"But, how are we...like _this?"_

Her dad sighed, it was heavy on his chest. She almost felt bad for bringing it but it had to be asked. She had to know _now_ and not later. 

"My unit. We were all different, like me. Either made or born that way. We had a kid who could sniff out hideouts but he had to be barefooted. We had a sarge who could take one look at you and suddenly, you couldn't lie. I was the most...effective in combat. I could blow a tank to shreds or make a fort collapse under its' own weight. I just had to get angry. It took a lot out of me."

"Were you made or born that way?"

"I...It was both. They brought it out of me. There was some dormant gene or some shit like that. It didn't actually work until I saw a kid get gutted in front of my eyes by someone just as young and scared during an ambush. I made that guy's head pop like a balloon."

"Holy fuck."

"Yeah, I threw up right after and ran back to base covered in blood and brains. I didn't sleep for days." 

"They _used_ you!" 

"They did but we had cut a deal. As long as I keep using my powers, they make sure my family is alright. My pay doubled. Remember the house we had when you were little? That was why."

"So, when you refused, they cut you off."

"Cold turkey. Me and your Mom used to go on car rides and fight about it. I could never tell her what really happened. It created this-this rift between us. I loved her too much to burden her with what I was feeling. She loved me too much to let it go."

Sydney looked up at her dad like she was finally seeing him for the first time as not just her father, "Fuck, that's-that makes a lot of sense. I found your military stuff in your box-" She holds up his tags to showcase that, "-and she _freaked_ out. It was most emotional I've seen her since you died. She made me promise that if I ever felt like you did, that I would tell her. I didn't. We aren't on good terms anyway, I wouldn't want to fuck it up completely."

"How bad is it?"

The question made Sydney flinch. The memories of the passive aggressiveness and yelling flooding to the surface.

"Mom thinks I wished she was dead and you alive. I just don't get her and she doesn't get me. I-I'm honest with her and yeah, I get angry and we yell but she asks things of me that I can't give her. I know she works hard and it's for me and Liam but I can't be who she wants me to be. I think that's why she lets me go out all the time. We just butt heads too much."

Her father just chuckled, "You always were a hot-head. Just, give her some slack. I know you like to talk back but be a little nicer or just say okay. How's Liam?"

"Better than me. I think he's okay. We're still close and he talks about his day with me. He's a gotta little girlfriend. She's nice and tall."

"Attaboy. He still does our puzzles?"

"Just started back up again. He begs me to help him but I never was too good at them. I get frustrated when I look at the picture and I'm nowhere close to finishing. Goob just...looks at them and start from the outside and works his way in."

"As you should, the middle piece should be the last piece."

Sydney had to laugh, "I _know._ He tells me that all time."

"Listen to him. That can help with more than just puzzles." Her dad said softly. He knew better than to knock Syd over the head with advice, she was too stubborn for that. He would have to let her dive head-first in controlling her powers and guide her back to reality. He couldn't stay forever but he had to do right by her daughter before he could rest peacefully.

"Syd?"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"You're gonna learn how to control this. I'll show you."

* * *

_We live and then we die as one_

_Yeah, we all live under the same sun_

_I left my heart in Amsterdam_

_Where I could dream and nights were long_

_I left my heart in Amsterdam_

_I hit my head against the wall_

_Over, over, over_

_Again and again and then over_

_Over, over_

_Again and again and then over_

_Over, over_

_Again and again and then over_

_Over, over_

_Amsterdam By Nothing But Thieves_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter will be from either Stan's or Dina's POV on that night.  
> If I get my act together.  
> xoxox


	3. Hanging (By a Thread)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan's Pov!  
> All songs & lyrics are from Nothing but Thieves.  
> Hope you like it!

Hanging (By a Thread)

_It's true it can't get us down forever_   
_You say, "But hell, I swear I don't know"_   
_Yeah, I threw my keys into the river_   
_'Cause I, I didn't wanna go home_   
_Goodbye, don't explain_   
_I don't wanna know why anyway_   
_Yoo-hoo Mary Jane_   
_Are you coming 'round for a dance today?_

* * *

Stan watched on in bewilderment as Syd looked at the bleachers. She went white as a sheet, her freckles sticking out starkly against her skin. Her blue eyes are as cold as ice and full of fear. 

Then she's gone. She's running faster than he has ever seen. 

"Syd, wait-" He says, straight on her heel but then he trips through the door and she's still fucking gone. 

"Fuck. Fuck, okay, this isn't good-"

There's an angered telekinetic Syd on the loose. Syd, who barely answers her phone on a regular day. Syd, who nearly launched a row of _bowling balls_ at her head for even mentioning her dad. 

"Not good at all." 

It's worse than worst. He needs a plan and needs one quick. He has a car but Syd has the headstart. Where the fuck would she go?

He's running to his car, trying to think think think, shoving his key into the door and then into the ignition. 

"Okay, calm down. Where, where, where?" He mumbles, hands on the steering wheel. Somewhere quiet but now too far. Remote. Dark, Syd loves the dark when she's mad. 

Someone raps on his window scaring him shitless.

" _Fuck_! What? You need a fucking ride home now? Ask Ricky!" He snaps, whipping his head to the window sending a flare of pain to his already throbbing head. It's not his date, her name now forgotten and pushed down to the bottom of important things to know. 

It's Dina and shame overwhelms him. 

"S-sorry, oh shit, Dina, I thought you were-"

"Don't care, let me in! I'm coming with you." She says flying to the passenger side. The door's unlocked so she slides in his seat. 

"I-I don't know where she is. You should! You're her _real_ best friend." He says starting the car up. Dina flinches at the sentence. 

Dina sighs, "I dunno about that. She's pulling away from after we-"

"Kissed? Syd told me when she was high. You, Liam, and weed are the only thing she actually likes. We, me and her, we're just honest with each other."

"Then you should know where she'd go."

"Not home. Not my place, dad's home. Dark. Quiet. remote. Somewhere none of us have gone." He says softly, mostly to himself. 

Where did Syd go when she got mad? The image of Syd running past her car and screaming the trees down literally. The woods. 

Stan looked up through the windshield. 

"Oh, of course." He sighs. 

He pulled out of the parking lot, honking at a pickup truck speeding by. They were going the opposite way, away from the house and light. 

"So, not what you'd think homecoming would be, huh?" He said to break the tense silence. 

Dina gave him a soft chuckle, whether he earned it or not was up for debate. 

"Not at all. I can't believe he hit you and almost hit Syd."

Stan shrugged, it wasn't her fault, "Would not be the first time for me." He blurted out. 

"And Syd? Would it be the first time for her?"

"He wouldn't have gotten to hit her. It wouldn't even be a fight." He said softly. It's a miracle Syd hadn't gone full Carrie and killed almost everyone out of anger. He couldn't blame her if she did. Syd would probably spar Dina and maybe Stan. Maybe. 

Dina sighed. 

"What is up with you two? What was Brad gonna say about Syd? Do you know?"

Stan does know. Syd's gay and has powers that she probably got from her father. Nothing is up with Stan and Syd, not for Stan's lack of trying but it's whatever now.

He knows so he keeps quiet. He just kept driving. Fuck, he hoped he was right about where Syd was or he might crack on the way back. 

"Can you tell me?"

That was a question he could answer. 

"I can't."

"So you _do_ know?"

"Only a fraction more than you do. Syd's not much of a talker. Even when she's blazed." He chuckles.

"So, you two didn't date?"

"No, we just-just had sex. It was awkward for both of us and it's even worst 'cause-"

'cause Syd's gay. Shit, he can't say that. Make something up, make something up right now. Overshare!

"Cause I have huge body dysphoria. And she's just a good friend. We didn't click." He says, standing up straighter. Dina relaxes as Stan stiffens. 

"Oh, sorry to pry. I just-she isn't talking to me like we used to. I thought maybe it was because of you and then Brad...but maybe it was me. Maybe it is me."

That's not true. 

"That's not true. It's not you." He says immediately. That's the only thing he's sure of. Sydney would never have a problem with Dina ever in her life. 

"Then what?"

"Syd's got a lot of stuff going on."

"Is that what happened in that library?" 

Yes. No? 

"I don't know. Syd just came for help for both of us. I just made up the sex thing."

"I know, Stan."

"Just makin' sure."

The tower's getting close so he pulls over. Dina goes to jump out but Stan stops her, "Stay here. Keep the car running."

Dina opens her mouth but he talks over her, "Please. Let me have this manly moment."

"...."

"Please, Dina?"

Dina stops protesting and Stan smiles, "The heat takes a while."

"It is cold."

Stan takes off his blazer and hands it to her.

"Here, take it. I'll see if Syd's up there."

"Be careful." Dina blurts out and Stan nods as he gets out the car. He sighs before walking toward the Watchtower. 

Stan can see a path made not a while ago, branches and grass trampled in a clear direction. 

Then he sees her in a cloud of darkness. 

She's sitting on the fucking wooden railing. He cringes, imaging the thigh splinters. Maybe that will bust Syd's pimples on her legs. Then it hits him like a bucket of cold water. 

(Or a fist.)

He falls in his haste to get closer and stumbles up with his hands outstretched, "Syd! _Don't,_ d-don't move, okay?"

She looks down at him and tilts his head at him like he's crazy. 

"You can't be here." 

"Syd, I'll leave with you. Just-Just don't-"

Syd's eyes widen, "I'm not going to jump, idiot." 

"Syd, you're by yourself. After a bad situation. On a high platform. Forgive me for assuming. Now, c'mon, Dina's in the car waiting on us. Please?"

"I can't leave hi-here. Stan, I just need-" She looks back into the shadows like it's calling her.

"I just need space. I need to be alone. Pinky promise, I won't kill myself tonight." she adds with a sarcastic edge. 

"Promise me, you'll come home. _Soon,_ like hours soon." He says, glancing back. He can still hear the rumble of his car and Dina's still in it. Good. She would just make this worse. 

"I will. I just need to be alone right now."

Why was he such a pushover? He should march up and pull Syd in a hug and put her in the backseat and drive her home.

Stan should. He _is_ , he is going to and he's taking Syd with him.

"Stan....please. I have more questions than answers. I'll come home."

"Swear to Dina and Liam, you will."

"I swear." 

Simp. 

" _Fine_. Fine."

Stan sighs and his shoulders sag. He pulls out his case full of blunts and his lighter from his pocket. He puts them on the last step of the watchtower. 

Stan turns and with one long last look, he goes to his car. He doesn't fake frustration as he slams the car door. 

"She's not there. I thought she would be. It would make sense." He grumbles. Dina jumps at the outburst and Stan softens so he adds, "Sorry. I'm just-"

"Worried? Yeah, me too. What next?"

"She'll come home. It's cold out and only getting colder. How about a sleepover?"

"At your house?"

"God, no. Syd's. You need a change of clothes."

Dina looks down and nods to herself, "Yeah, I can pick some up from home and come to Syd's." 

Sounds like a plan.

He takes her home and stays in the car as Dina explains to her dad she's sleeping over at Syd's and Stan's just making sure they get there because he's a gentleman. 

Dina's dad gives Stan a firm handshake from the window that makes Stan puff out his chest and nod. He also slaps a 20 in Stan's hand and a 50 in Dina's for food. He bids them goodnight. 

The last person to know they're sleeping over is Syd's mom, Miss Novak. She just sighs when they knock. 

"What did she do?" 

"Nothing, Miss Novak. It wasn't her fault. It was Brad's."

"Just Maggie. I'm not that old. Who's Brad?"

Dina and Stan talk over each other, trying to prove Syd's innocence. 

"Syd told me Brad cheated on me and he got really mad-"

"And stole Syd's journal, which was not okay-"

"-and tried to humiliate her in front of the whole school-"

"At least, those that went to the dance."

Dina elbowed him, "Let _me_ tell it. Anyway, Syd got pissed and nearly fought Brad until I told him to stop. Then she just stormed off."

"And I got punched." 

Dina rolled her eyes but it was fondly. Miss Novak hummed pouring wine in her glass. She looked tired, not even surprised at the fact. She sat down on the stool and glanced up.

"So, you think she'll come home tonight?"

"She has nowhere else to go. Miss Maggie, we just want to make sure she's okay," Dina says pleadingly.

"Okay, set up camp in the living room. I'll get covers from Syd's room." 

The teen blinked in surprise and look at each other. 

"Is it okay if we order pizza?" 

"Go for it. No pepperoni, Syd hates it. Liam might join you." Maggie shrugs coming down, returning with blankets and pillows. Dina got changed but Stan felt a knot in her stomach. He can't tell Dina tat he saw Syd. She'd freak out and make him take her back. Syd needs space and she will get it. Stan learned that the hard way. 

True enough, Liam came down, rubbing his good eye and asking where Sydney was. Dina gave him the rundown wording the situation carefully. 

"I'll wait for her. She'll come back. Can I-your eye?" He said with a first aid kit and a bag of frozen peas. After Stan nodded, Liam cleaned the bruises and cut carefully.

"Thanks, you're good at this."

"You're welcome. Thanks for being Syd's friend."

Stan smiled with a huff of laughter, "She can't get rid of me or Dina that easy."

"Good."

* * *

_Hanging by a thread_   
_She said, "Where d'you wanna go?_   
_Where d'you wanna go?_   
_Where d'you wanna go?"_   
_Some days never end_   
_That depends, where d'you wanna go?_   
_Where d'you wanna go?_   
_Where d'you wanna go?_


	4. Broken Machine Part. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syd's Pov of that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I will not have Ryan and Syd be a...thing because in the industry that's what we call statutory r*pe and I refuse even if it is canon in the comics. It didn't add anything to the story. So it won't be in mine. But I do like the idea of Syd having a mentor. So that's what Ryan will be.

**Broken Machine Part. I**

_I'm just a broken machine_  
_I can't do anything_  
_My wheels have started to jam_  
_My wheels jam, my_  
_I'm just a broken machine_  
_With all the layers of dust_  
_Some things have started to fail_  
_Some things have_  
_Some-_

* * *

Sydney panted as she fell to her knees, she felt the world spin and tilts. 

"Again." 

"What's the point of this." She muttered, wiping the sweat from her eyes.

"I need you to get angry. Not tired." 

"Well, I _am_ tired."

"Be tired later. Remember what I said about being a facet? Well, this is making sure the pipes don't burst before I see you again. Get angry."

Syd closed her eyes. Flashes of Liam yelling at her, her mom yelling at her, Her kissing Dina. The wind picked up and goosebumps erupted on her skin. Dina's face when she pulled away. There was a ringing in her ear, getting loud and louder. Syd's mother screaming that day she found dad hanging. 

" _You wished I was dead, huh?" Her mom screeched._

_"You're a freak and a dyke." Brad sneered in her ear._

Syd's hands were digging into the palm of her hands. Tears flowed down freely, staining her face. Her gut churred and twisted into a knot. 

She let it all overwhelm her. Let it consume her. Her skin was burning, seeming her blood was on fire. She felt too...consequential for the skin she was confined in.

Freak. Dyke. Dina was never really going to forgive Sydney. Brad would tell _everyone._ Stan wouldn't be her friend for long. Liam would stop loving her. Her mom probably did a long time ago. She was a waste. A liability. 

"Now let it out." 

She screamed as loud and hard her body would allow her, her voice cracking with effort. Syd's ears popped. The hair on her arms stands on end. There was a rumble that shook her to the core and a flash of white light that blinded her closed eyes. White-hot pain slashes across her cheek. 

And just like that, her rigid body went slack and a wave of dizziness and nausea came over her. 

Syd groaned as she blinked her eyes open. 

The tree, tall and looming directly in front of her, was on fire and pieces of its' bark scattered the ground. 

Lightning struck the tree. 

Sydney did that.

With her _mind._

"Fuck."

"That is why I'm surprised you didn't kill that boy." Her dad mumbles, watching the tree blaze as clouds roll in. 

She grabs the metal case of blunts and lights one. That doesn't even calm her down, it doesn't do a damn thing. Syd pulls the blunt away and there a blot of red on it. She frowns and realizes what it is. 

Sydney lifts her hand up to her face and feels sticky warm blood running down. She pulls the splinter from her skin and silently curses. Fuck, she could have killed Brad and everyone. Dina, Stan, everyone.

Her head felt heavy at the thought. Bloody bodies strewn on the floor and her in the middle standing over them. 

Carrie moment.

"Sydney! Focus. I'm trying to help you." 

"I wanna go." 

Her father sighed, "I need you to think about what you'll say as a cover for our lessons. If you don't want _that-"_ He points to the scorched tree, "-to happen to anyone, you need me."

"I just-I just need to think. I can't be here. I want to go."

"Home? I can take you-"

"No, I can do it by myself. I have to think for myself."  
  
He stares at her, his dark eyes boring into her soul, and then nods. That's all the permission she needs. She shoves the cigarette box in her boot and the lighter in the other. 

Sydney stumbled back, trying to wipe the sweat and blood off her face but ended up just smearing it over her face. She rubs her hand on the now-dirty dress. All the trees seem to close in on her. The reality of the absurdity of it all is getting to her. 

She needed to leave. She needs to get away from her powers and her dead but very much present father who did _war crimes_ with powers she inherited because of genetics. Fucking Punnett squares.

Sydney stood up on shaky feet, fists curled up, and walked through the tree line. 

She needs to not think about this. Sydney needs to figure out how to get home. She was more than two miles away from home, the middle of the night in the fucking woods. 

Thunder rolled again and lightning flashed. 

"Fuck _no,_ don't-"

Then it started to drizzle. Syd sighed and started her trek. She figured if she alternated between running and walking, she'd get there quicker and only be bone-tired as opposed to a walking zombie. Sydney's just glad that her boots she's wearing were broken in a while ago. 

She runs until she gets on a main road, focusing on the sound of her rubber hitting on wet ground and not falling because she has enough fucking cuts and bruises as is. The burn she's feeling in her legs is warming her up, right? Isn't that how it works? 

Sydney wonders why her? 

Why did _she_ get the weirdest life?

As Sydney spiral into an existential rabbit hole, there was the unmistakable sound of a car rolling up behind her. Suddenly the heat in her body was gone. Her mind lashes out with an image of a man kidnapping her and stuffing her in a car only for Syd to never be seen alive again. Then another one of her blowing up the car sky high and she's suddenly less nervous. 

The person beeps the horn before slamming on the brakes. Syd keeps walking, not even bother to look back. They step out, the sound of a door opening and heavy boots on wet asphalt get closer and closer. Small hands touch her shoulders. 

It's a woman, with a slit in her eyebrow and a piercing neighboring it. She's tall, a bit lanky but still so sure in her movements. Curls frame her face as she feels Syd's neck and then forehead. She's a face full of concern and her eyes are scanning over Syd, who now realizes how much of mess she probably looks. 

"Hey-oh my god, you're just in a _dress-hey,_ do you know where you are? Who you are?"

Sydney nods, leaning into the warmth of this woman, she probably had the heat on and the difference of them is stark. 

"Oh, kiddo, you're _freezin'._ Did you come out here by yourself?"

Syd nods, "I ran...away."

"Ran away?" The lilt in her voice changes and something flickers over her eyes. Recognition. 

The woman takes off her hoodie and drapes it around Syd. 

"Not-not forever. Just for now."

"Okay, f-crap, uh, do you _want_ to go home?"

Syd shakes her head, surprising herself, and the woman bites her lip, runs her hand through her long curly hair.

"C'mon then, let's get you out of these woods. No kid should be here by themself."

"Sydney," Syd whispers as the woman guides her to the backseat. The woman buckles Syd in and rubs her shoulder to get the blood pumping.

"What was that?"

"My name is Sydney."

"Hi, Sydney. I'm Ryan." 

* * *

_I'm just a broken machine_  
_Though the record may spin_  
_All my lights have gone dim_  
_They've gone dim_  
_They-_

_I'm just a broken machine_  
_Not who I used to be_  
_I'm spinning out of control_  
_Now it's time to go_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment if you liked it or you see something I could write in the future!  
> xxo

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, you totally should comment and leave kudos so I know what you like and don't like. Constructive criticism and/or commentary is super helpful and appreciated! Thanks for reading!
> 
> KJ


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